"It all began in school. It was probaly when I was about 6, maybe less, and still not sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I loved to sing and one day I was singing along with my hairbrush in my hand dressed in my mother's clothes and high heels, with her lipstick and whipped cream all over my face when she came home from church unexpectedly, so I was "
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Papa Jessica Fresh
I cuss like a sailor, but I try not to. I'm obsessed with having clean fingernails, yet they always seem to be dirty. I think this is a good sign for life. People fascinate me and scare me with how much they touch my solar plexis. I'm overly-emotional and under-involved. I've began watching. I'm a catalyst by energy, a scientist by nature, a spiritualist by intellect. No one knows me well. That's because I'm crazy. No really. I am.
http://www.flickr.com/people/spray_of_petals/
(A letter to an acquaintance from my childhood)
My story? I used to tell my friends that it was better than fiction, but
that was more for the dramatic angle. Everyone appreciates a good
story.
How do we know what our story is?
Memories are odd things. When I was fifteen sitting in a session eating
goldfish crackers and staring at the magnets that hung heavily on the
side of my therapists filing drawers an image came to me. I think it was
the first time it was a memory, the first time it had re-entered my
consciousness since the actual incident that etched it into the folds of
my grey-matter. I found it oddly amusing how clearly it hit after such a
long period of nothingness in that corner of my mind.
When I was three years old my brother drowned in a bathtub. This wasnt
the memory that came to me during that session, but I think its the
beginning of my story. I think that my life began at his death because I
do not remember much before that, really. I remember when he died,
though. When I close my eyes enough to still see light filtering through
my lashes and it looks like headlights in a rainstorm I remember.
Multiple Personalities
Dissociative identity disorder (DID, also known as multiple personality disorder in the ICD-10[1]) is a psychiatric diagnosis whose essential feature, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), "...is the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states...that recurrently take control of behavior."[2] The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities (one may be the host) routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be the temporary effects of drug use or a general medical condition.[3] Memory loss will occur in those with DID when an alternate part of the personality becomes dominant. DID is less common than other dissociative disorders, occurring in approximately 10% of dissociative disorder cases[4] and 1% of the general population.[5] Diagnosis is often difficult as there is considerable co-morbidity with other conditions and many symptoms overlap with other types of mental illness.[2] It is diagnosed significantly more frequently in North America than in the rest of the world.[6][7]
Individuals diagnosed with DID frequently report severe physical and sexual abuse as a child.[2] The etiology of DID has been attributed to the experience of pathological levels of stress which disrupts normal functioning and forces some memories, thoughts and aspects of personality from consciousness,[8][9] though an alternative explanation is that dissociated identities are the iatrogenic effect of certain psychotherapeutic practices or increased popular interest.[10][11][12][13][14] The debate between the two positions is characterised by passionate disagreement.[10][12][13][15][16]
Borderline personality disorder (BPD), (known by those using the ICD-10 World Health Organization disease classification as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, Borderline Type, is a psychological condition marked by a prolonged disturbance of personality function, characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods. These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relations[n 1]
The disorder typically involves an unusual degree of instability in mood and black-and-white thinking, or splitting. BPD often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes and chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.[1] It is only recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) in individuals over the age of 18, however symptoms necessary to establish the disorder can also be found in adolescents.
Splitting in BPD includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others. This, combined with mood disturbances, can undermine relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. BPD disturbances also may include harm to one's self.[2] Without treatment, symptoms may worsen, leading (in extreme cases) to suicide attempts.[n 2]
Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by poor emotional responsiveness.[1] It most commonly manifests itself as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood, with a global lifetime prevalence of about 0.3–0.7%.[2] Diagnosis is based on observed behavior and the patient's reported experiences.
Superstars
This a big breakthrough for you, he say. I hope you don't blow it. In what way, I asked him? By not keeping your business plan under control, he say. Remember the DNA,he said. Your song, Born this way is terrific. Have you thought about writing more in the Roxy Music style than the ballards you do at present. Maybe I'll try to write you some songs then, he said. No, the DNA is important. You have children at 35, and you die at 70. If you have two children, you replace the population, any earlier or more children leads to population growth. It isn't rocket science. Now we live to 80, some to 90, some living to 90 have four children, think of the implications.
It still Good Friday night. He ask'in me, by txt. What this? What what I say? You Little M Roxy Deea? I thought somebody else was Roxy? You jokin me, I ask? You know I Roxy. Your song Paparazzi, when I hear it it comes across Papa Roxy, I see you registered the name Roxy. When I did a search for Little M Roxy Deea, it came up ads for Roxy, and there are two,
This quite a disappointing development, Gaga, he sayin to me. What is It I ask? It appears I have been banned from posting at some of your sites Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta for one has prevented me posting, which I do rather infrequently anyway. Wonder what the reason was, I asked? I have been saying that I'm not comfortable with too much naked breasts and showing nipples. Think it looks tacky and like something out of the 1930's. Don't you like my body, I ask? That is the sort of question I'd expect from a five year old, he say. My my, I reply. Not that I have anything against the human body, he says, being in the bath at home didn't mean family couldn't talk to you, but it was only family.
You have morphing, when one person can act as another, or two people can be the same person. You could, in theory change your appearance to that of another person, your features, or whatever. How can you stop it, I asked him? Yes I know you are mocking me because you don't believe it is possible, he tell me, but remember who I say I am, that is who I am. always remember that and never question it. Say I saw the Queen on the street in Pusan, South Korea, and she looked like an old Korean woman, and then a younger version? Yes, what about it, I asked? Does she still have a mother and father, how old are they, Would their ahe also drop as she became 30 years younger. You have to think of all these details. If you are married, who are you married to?
You understand, not complete strangers trotting in and out. Plenty of man pay high amounys of money, in the 100's dollars to see a naked woman, and they only do it because it gives them a sense of power over them. Gay men especially encourage a woman to "show it all" because it brings them down to the level of their basest instincts, and satisifies any inate need they have to destroy the female that made them different. My attitude is that some men had such a bad life as men, they shouldn't have any male genitalia at all, others, gay men, just happen to be frustrated women, but not being one, and wanting to be one, they some of them, secretly hate women. They don't really hate them, but that is how the emotion expresses itself. It seems like you hate gays yourself, I told him. Not gay people, ones who hassle me and gay people with bad morals. One's not interested in forming a long term friendship or relationship.
My own experience is that I existed, and was conscious that my mother was growing a baby, right up until two weeks before I was born, when God transferred my soul to my new body, and I was mostly unconscious.
Look how good you look, and how happy you are at present. You seen those kids?
Do your children change as you change, or do the children stay with the family they started with. You have to have rules for every eventuality, and after all it comes back to fingerprints. That is an awful lot of hypotheticals, I say. Yes but look at you, he say. Look how good you look, and how happy you are at present. You must know I will never abandon you, if anyone does it will be you abandoning me. Can anybody else give you the things that I can give you, and if you reject me, do you think I will still care what happens to you?
Boy, I tell him, After 1.5 months of grueling rehearsal the stage is finally set, and built up for the last three weeks of ppreperations. Is it good, he ask me? It took my breath away, I tell him. Wow he says, have you been listening to me? Yes, baby I say to him, you are everything in my life right now, go on. Okay, he say.
He said, I know you don't believe me that I am Christ, and that women
can change from the appearance of one woman to another, but I know for
certain that they can,
Is that Cathy with you, he ask? See if she is a friend of Monika Lewhisky. You sure you should learn to drive in such a powerful car, he, txt me? You don't want to end up like Princess Di, or James Dean. Maybe get a scooter like Jamie Oliver, to get the hang of it? Maybe while I'm learning to drive, you don't need to sneak up on me and stick your GIANT camera IN A MOVING VEHICLE, I txt him while driving. Okay, point taken, he say.
It was Easter Saturday 2012, 7th April. He txt me. Let me tell you as story, he say. Not the three little pigs, I ask? No, he say, this one about someone else I met online in 2005/6. Okay, I say, this take long? No I'll keep it brief, he say. In my story I tell of my Grandfather, Harry Burgess who was master of the Southern Cross, and sailed under contract to the Melanesian Mission of the Anglican Church. Mary, my mother was the eldest, and Jessica, my Auntie was the last of four girls. When she was learning to talk, Harry taught her her first three words as he bathed her in a metal baby bath, They were her name, Jessica, his name Papa, and he thought he waould try something not a noun, to expand er vocaaabulary, so he taught her Fresh, the feeling she had after her bath. I know this because I was he, in a former life. Mary recognised me when she was still quite young, but I failed to recognise her completely because I wasn't sure that God existed until 1982, after Dad died. It's a bit confusing, I tell him.
herself Pappa Jessica Fresh, actually born Jessica Clark who lives in Willits, Northern California with husband and two girls.
The short story is that we fell in love, or I found her problems and her love overwhelming, and I recognised myself, but she has serious mental health problems, and since I have also seen the inside of an old fashioned mental institution, even though I had been thoroughly assessed by competent specialists and found not to be mentally ill, I think the natural instinct of those who have
and there are examples of these relationships where three women who are lovers can change, but also expect to have babies. Why, when you are certain that there is a God, (John 14:6 "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.") do you not believe there is a Jesus, and that if there is, does he not know who he is? If three women who know there is a God, why do they refuse to believe that I can sell them an internet connection? The proof of their faith, is in their knowledge of the law.
been treated for a mental illness inside an institution is not to have anything to do with mental health patients or institutions. Plus, when I told her that I was "in love" with another girl, she wanted to have nothing more to do with me, but not before she went through a whole range of withdrawl symptoms, including, she said, crying for an hour under a tree while her daughter tried to comfort her. You sound callous, I told him. You have to be careful, he told me. Jessica has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is the modern name for multiple personalities.
One cannot forgive ignorance of the law. Is writing software beyond me? So they are thieves now? They do not need to have a baby, because if they can change, they can subtract years. Why do you need babies in that situation? Is it because some women want to have a sexual relationship with that child. I know of a case. Her name is Jessica, and she was in love with me, but her situation with her father meant that she grew up with multiple personalities, and no amount of applying her will and common sense could change that.
Cloth embroidered by a patient diagnosed with schizophrenia.
They used to call it schizophrenia. My Auntie Marge had it and was treated for it with Electro Convulsive Therepy, (ECT) which was standard in the 1950's, and then they found she had an overactive thyroid gland, and when they treated that the problem went away. Even in 1992, when I was speaking to Dr. James H. W. Short at Tauranga Hospital about my discharge from a Compulsary Treatment Order, I asked him if they still used it, and he told me that they did, and it was "very effective".
Anyway, Jess told me that she had had an incident when she was about five, when one of her twin baby brothers drowned in the bath. She was there, and she was blamed for it, or took the blame, because it transpired some years later that her mother had written a letter which her father had in a safe somewhere, in which she confessed to the drowning and took the blame. I suspect that it was actually the father who did it, because I also suspect that most of her troubles came from the fact that he had been molesting her on a regular basis for a number of years. She was 23 when we met, and I think it started when she was 7 or 8, and it was still continuing. Not only that, she was very unselfconscious about her body, and tended to want to have sex with almost anybody who flattered or admired it. Her husband was very protective, and
ordered me to have nothing to do with her, even though they were in the
USA and I was in New Zealand, so she had to resort to sneaking contact,
until she broke it off. The worst thing was she had been suicidal and
very depressed, in at least one of her approximately seven
personalities. Not only had she cut her wrists on several occasions, she
had actually cut her left common carotid artery in one attempt, which
incidentally happened in her doctor's surgery. The scars look really bad. She said she did it out of protest, but that he watched her bleeding out on the floor, and did nothing. His name is Dick, or Richard Clark, and they had been having an affair for quite a long time, because she is quite an attractive 20 year old woman. He would know that it is completely unethical for a doctor to have a sexual relationship with a patient, but he has enough insight to know exactly how to manipulate the personality which was most vulnerable. She used to shave herself for him, and it happened regularly. One personality was in love with him, and she was upset that he refused to leave his wife for her. I mentioned this to my GP, because when we met Jess was desperate for someone to help her and nobody seemed capable of doing anything. The police only told her to take down any identifying references from her web site, in order nnot to attract stalkers. One potential stalker actually works for the www,ww,com web site and apparently travelled to meet customers. However, I don't know whether my Dr, was able to do anything or not because she moved to Australia some time in 2006.
She is quite a talented potter, and makes a bit of money doing that with a really interesting and unique glaze she has invented, but shares with friends. The thing I remember about her, because I remember one or two things first hand, is that I knew I was Jesus, and discharged myself from hospital, and they didn't
argue. She was raped in hospital by an orderly, but she was upset that he was fired, but not prosecute. She is the spitting image of my Auntie Jess at that age, you could say they have the same DNA. I can remember saying to God, once, as her, "Is there no love in China?". That is a really almost a criticism of God, whether or not God is really taking care of people, but it was made out of complete desperation, and pain and dispair, because she fears that her father, or somebody will start molesting her two daughters. I'm not sure whether she has recovered at all by now or whether she ever will, but to me she was a perfectly normal girl with all these horror stories to tell, as though they happened to someone else, and there are a lot more, issues with her mother, issues with her husband, with girlfriends who seemed to me uncaring and selfish. That's horroble I tell him, sorry baby, I have to go now okay? Talk to you again soon. Okay babe, he say, anytime you're ready.