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If he was funny enough, I would I tell him. How funny? You mean funny ha ha, not funny peculiar, I suppose?  Of course? Who you like, he ask me. Let me guess, Monty Python? I already told you, I say. Which one you like the best, he ask me? Let me guess, Michael Palin. How you know, I say? Which one you? John Cleese I think, but I like the Goons too, but you know what is funny? No, what, I say? Dad didn't find the  Goons amusing at all. He just couldn't get past the name, goons, because thats what the prisoners called the Nazi guards. That sounds a bit harsh, I said.  Yes, it was very hard times for them during the war he said. they couldn't forget it or the futility of Hitler's dream. You like Pole to Pole too, he asked? Sure, I say, but we don't get much British humour here in the states.

There was a silence, then he came back. What's bothering you babe? I'm worred about my mom, I said. What happened? Well I came home, and she was eating pudding and had a glass of purple stuff. I think it was metho.

No, I don't, how are they? Well, you know, he said. They are very concerned and protective about their  daughters. We're not Italian, I told him.

My friend at school who had a mother, who one day hopped in the Mercedes to go out for more sherry, but instead of turning right, at a fork in teh drive, turned left, then turned right and went straight down a bank. What happened, I asked. Well fortunately she was wearing her gumboots, so didn't ruin her shoes walking up the grass to the track.

You're looking good, by the way.

 He says his boss is someone called Caroline, Mr Ali works for the same people. Who's Mr Ali, I sad? He's a retired schoolteacher I worked with in the packhouse in 2008. He's moslem, and they stayed in my house. I was driving him and Singh to work every day, for petrol. They gave you pertol, I asked? No, they paid for the petrol, but there was no job for me until the packhouse one came up, he said. One day Singh and I were going right up No. 3 road, and it was about five miles further than I thought. Oh. I'd left my money at home, and I knew I had enough gas, to get home, but but possibly not enoughto get back into town to buy more. Yes. Singh bought me afried sausage for breakfast, but I said, I didn't really want it, but he said it was for the scouts or something. I told him I'd rather have the $2 for gas, but he said he'd alredy given me $5 and that was enough. I told him I was only using my car to run him to work, so all the petrol was what he used. Really I was quite annoyed by him. What happened, I asked? Sure enough, I drove home, got my money, and later in teh afternoon when I was driving in to pick him up, I ran out about half a mile from town, so I had to walk in with my petrol can. And there was no problem after that, I asked?  There's been a few problems, he said, but that was all for that day.

Did you see that movie, I am a camera, he asked me? Cabaret, I asked him? Yes I've seen it. It's like that he said, life going on in public, on stage everything is fine, but down the back streets people are getting the crap bashed out of them. I's not that bad, I said. Oh, its a lot worse, he said. Mr Ali and Singh were working 10 hours a day, 7 days a week for $10 an hour after tax. That's not bad, $700 a week tax free, I said. For 70 hour's work? It's not too good, I said, but more than I was getting.

So what happened with you and John, I asked? Well, he said, Singh and I went around to his place, because Christmas was coming up and I thought he may be able to lend me some money for about 4 litres of petrol. Didn't you have any money, I asked? Well, the Trust still had about $80,000 of my money at that stage, but the trust officer Steve Collins refused to let me have any more than the $165 I receive every week. Oh, I see, I said. Yes I wanted some of my friends to speak to the trust for me, but they are all intimidated. Too bad, I said. Yes, a real tragedy under the circumstances, he said.

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What the hell is tennis doing here again? I ask him? If you ever do anything in your life gaga, please never betray me like Maria Sharapova has. Hell has a special place made for that woman. If you want to know more, read the shocking Sharapova Secrets, he said.