mayfair

 Hey, he said. Your birthday week is nearly over. How are things going? Fine I txt him. Where are you now? Somewhere about  there I say. I've written a new song, he says. It's called, You left me in Chicago, when my Mastercard broke in two. It's bluesy, but not sad. It sounds like a cool title I told him. Yeah, when (Queen) Brigitte &I were going together in Paris, she said she wanted to be "Queen of the Blues", I think I deliberately misinterpreted her and took her literally. Do you think that was mean of me? No, I don't see any other way to take it, I told him. She was in love with me back then, he told me. She was 19 and I was 21. She wrote me dozens of the most beautiful love letters you have ever read, telling me she wanted me back soon, then saying she suspected I had found someone else. Had you, I asked? Yes, but it was a different version of her, if you understand me, and I couldn't as a 21 year old man, even a very bright one, understand how she could accuse me of abandoning her when she was the one who still had me. You couldn't, I asked? Apart from the fact I still had no idea that God was real, I couldn't deny my ambivolent feelings, nor yet the fact that I didn't want to lose her but could do nothing to get back to Paris in six weeks, as I had promised her. Neither of us had any money. Can you, he said? Yes I can understand her completely. You had another woman and she was alone and in love. That is just the sort of thing a woman can understand. Sorry I said, it's impossible for me. I read her letters after I had to steal a car and drive 200 miles to retrieve them. They had arrived daily, and were blue ink on blue paper. Her mother could have helped her write them, they were that convincing, telling me how much she love me. Then went out in the northwest forest, in middle of huge rain storm and just wept for several hours. When I got back to New Zealand a year later when Mandy dumped me, it was milddle of summer and a complete drought, which broke in a week.

He txt me again. Hi, how you doing baby I ask him? You been calling me he asked? Not especially, you know, I say. You heard me on radio again. No, he say, Just Men at Work, land downunder, and Jessie J. Oh. That line in the Jessie J song, he ask. What it sound like to you? Which one, I ask? You not hear it, he say> Domino, Boomin' like a base drum, Sparkin' up a rhythm... That what it sound like to me, I say. You listen next time he say, it don't at all. You know what glitter is don't you, he ask? Yes, it party stuff you glue on face, I tell him. You are so beautiful and innocent, he tell me. Thank you baby, I say, you are sweet.

You heard of Gary Glitter, he ask? The glam rock star, sure I heard of he. Garg glitter is also cockney rhyming slang, he told me. Oh, I didn't know that. What does it mean? Gary Glitter is Cockney rhyme for shitter, he tell me. "Ooh me Gary Glitter givin' my the right gyp.", you know. No I didn't I told him, but I could have guessed. Do you mind if we change the topic of conversation? Not at all he said. What would you like to talk about?

 Anyway I drew a pair Kings, and I think Todd McClay has a pair of 8's. He's my member of parliament. Not bad, I say. But the others, drew a pair of aces and three fives. Too bad, I said. There will be another hand tomorrow, he told me. And you lost $700 million on it? No f'kin way he said. Everybody put in £100 for March remember? Sure. So I said I'd give it to Roger if he help me get it out of bank, but I'd have to check with my partner first, and he'd probably get my half at least. You mean I keep £350 million for march? Yes, he say, I'm sure the judge will award me £1,000 from November 2011, and if not I can appeal. Plus, good news, the Chinese government are going to pay me the full £100 for all their internet connections. How do you know, I asked. They will he said. They have agreed to pay Japan 10% on all steel they make. Plus the Showboat online gambling ship will be up and running soon. What's that, I ask? It's that paddle steame that run between Taupo and Turangi every night, he say. I'll do a page here, and post it.

Had to reinstall apple quicktime, he said. Did it work? No. Still no sound then? None. Somebody bn calln me, he say. Weren't you were it? No. Why didn't you answer it? There were 13 calls tonight, the one I answered was a survey, but my age group was full. None left a message, and none could be traced.

Have you checked your cats recently, he asked me? I haven't even been home for a week, I  told him. When you get home, see if your silver one is missing, he say. What you mean, I don't have a silver one, I tell him? Okay, he say. It just I saw two of my cousins playing on the net, and it looked like Phil had your cat. Smokey? I asked him, is Phil playing with smokey? Why don't you stop him? I think it looked like Bruce playing with smokey, Phil had it. I can't tell them. It is your cat, he say. You should know where it is. Is that clear? I made a video, do you want to see it? Maybe your mother would like to have it? Your cousins was playing with my pussy, and Phil had it. Yes. Crystal. Good he said.

What happened to your friend Caroline at the school, I ask him? You been back to see her? I think you should if you keen on her. No I'm not going back, he said. They would arrest me. They are very sensitive at schools thes days. No, she's in the past. I love her face, because I remembered it from a long time ago, but she not lonely. She happily married, and want to be a dairy farmer's wife. Her family all grown up, and she have grandchildren. Yes, you said, I reminded him. What that you say about Prince Charles? Oh, I just said I impersonated him when His artillary battery was in Hungary. Some American soldiers had been bombed by friendly fire, so I thought it too dangerous for future monarch to risk his life. All I had to do was yell fire. It looked like him but it was me. I see I said, but you were risking your life too? Not really, he say. I believe Charles can look like another person, but he still have Charles soul.  I came from Heaven, and I was there, so I do not need his body when I'm home, just my body.

Convicted child molester Gary Glitter is in line to make hundreds of thousands of pounds when his 1972 hit Rock and Roll Part II is played at the Super Bowl final next month. 

The American Football championship is the biggest event in America's sporting year, and is watched by around 100 million fans worldwide.

Rock and Roll Part II, known as the 'Hey Song', has been adopted as a theme tune by the New England Patriots, who will face the New York Giants in the final on 5 February.

 Hello, Hello. It's good to be back, it's good to be back.
Hello, Hello. It's good to be back, it's good to be back.

Did you miss me, Yeah, while I was away,
did you hang my picture on your wall
Did you kiss me, Yeah, every single day,
although you couldn't kiss me at all.
And did you love me, Yeah, like a good little girl,
Did you tell that naughty boy not to call,
did you love me, Yeah, in your own little world,
Although you couldn't see me at all,
although you couldn't see me at all,

Hello, Hello, it's is good to be back, it's good to be back,
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, I'm back again, I'm back,
I'm on the right track,
Hello, Hello tell all your friends I'm back, I'm back as a matter of fact,
as a matter of fact I'm back