"It all began in school. It was probaly when I was about 6, maybe less, and still not sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I loved to sing and one day I was singing along with my hairbrush in my hand dressed in my mother's clothes and high heels, with her lipstick and whipped cream all over my face when she came home from church unexpectedly, so I was "
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I'm really upset to find out you're happily married he said to me. Why should you be upset about my being happy I asked him. I've listened to your songs on the radio, havn't bought any yet, and like I said, I thought you were singing to me. Who has the ego now? There is no ego he said. It is all work. My friends say the word is arrogant, do you know what that means? Somebody who thinks they are better than they are? It actually means overbearing or presumptious. The meaning is quite precise, not what we want the word to mean. Presumptious on the other hand means over confident. I'm the opposite of that. Overbearing is a subjective thing, but knowing one's ability in a fight, means that nothing is left to chance. And your point is, I asked him? Lost on you, obviously he replied. I'm not into the exact meanings of words, I said. I'm a woman. American woman, he said. Whats your favorite Eminem song? There a few I like I said. What about Robbie Williams, he's a big star. Lots of people love him I said. And think he's funny.
He's a good friend of David Beckham and Posh, he said, and goes to their parties. I was never invited once. And who are you again, I txted. Do you think Posh Spice should know me, he asked? I really don't know, I said.
What about that 700,000,000, he said. What 700,000,000? You want it, he txt? What I have to do, I ask him. Not much he replied. Js ring ths number Guardian Trust 100 grey Street Tauranga 64-7-578-2943 and ask for Craig Roebuck. Who he, I txt. He's the Manager of the Tauranga office, has been for over 20 years, and he appointed himself property manager over all my property. How much? only $500,000, he say, but I have no legal rights because he says I am not rational? And are you? I'm a Christian, he said. I believe in God, and Jesus, and God believes in me. Just tell him to fuck himself, and say you are Caroline Benner, secretary of the Board of Trustees, calling from Paengaroa School, at 64-7-522-1227. Who she? She was a woman I knew from years ago, but I only realized a few weeks ago who she really is. And who that? It don't matter he say. Jus say I had a siamese cat called sabina, after the story of the Sabine women, and I realized that Sabina, the real woman I was married to in a previous life before they killed me for her, was like Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. I think I got it, I said. Second thoughts, don't tell him you are Caroline. Boyle I asked? Yes the Valentines Day girl, who is married and a grandmother. No? No say you are Lady Gaga, Stefani, and you want him to release me from teh property management order. Why? So I can take someone to court he said. I see, I said. Will you do it? And get all your fans to do it. I'll think about it, I said. Caroline refused to even talk to me about it, he said. Why? I don't know, he said. She didn't even want to talk to me. Maybe she thinks, probably does think I'm insane. Because you believe in God? I believe there is a God, he said. I've spent enough of my life with God to know who I am. Jesus? Jesus was a long time ago, he said, we are now in the age of teh silicon man. The man with no DNA, I asked. Yes, you should write some songs about the people who live inside a chip, he suggested. I see, I sid, and you wrote their software? Yes, I wrote their language, and their operation system and source code. I am their mother.
About that $700 million. I'll give you one month's income, which is more than 700 million, tax free, since I only pay 20%, and you can help me build a chain of Hotels called Caesar's. Not the Warldorf? No, same idea, named after a salad, you could say salad days. Like Monty Python? Exactly like Monty Python. Do you like the pythons? I love the flying circus, I said. Thought you did, he said. Did you like Life of Brian too? Not so much, I said. I liked the first film better. Except the ending? Everything has to end sometime I said. Sure it does, he said. Soon. You will phone soon? Did you know Judas didn't betray Jesus? No, I said, I never knew that. No, he said, Jesus love Judas more than all the others. It was like Lot love both his daughters, but his wife did not trust him. And was turned to stone? Was rooted on the spot, he said. By the men, I asked. By the sight of the men raping her daughters, he said. She did not know they were not her daughters, he said, it was a substitute. How do you know this, I asked? I know a lot of things he said. It is worth a lot to know the truth. The truth will set you free. And Judas was loved by Jesus? I asked him. Jesus was really James, the brother of Jesus, he said, and Judas was instructed by Jesus to betray him to the Romans for 30 pieces of silver, or the price of 30 donkeys, so his friends could get into the city. Even though it meant he would be arrested, I asked? You know the story, he said, he had a job to do, and saw it through, according to his plan. Which song do you like best, he asked, Hair or Judas? Judas, I think, I said. me too, he said. Are you still in love with her, I asked him? Who? Caroline? I'm afraid so, he said, but I can't tell her that. She is funny as hell. I see, I said, I'm sorry. It can't be hepled, he said. And you don't love me then, I said. I don't really know you he said. You can only love one woman at a time, can't you. Or none, I said. Or none of them, he agreed.
