"It all began in school. It was probaly when I was about 6, maybe less, and still not sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I loved to sing and one day I was singing along with my hairbrush in my hand dressed in my mother's clothes and high heels, with her lipstick and whipped cream all over my face when she came home from church unexpectedly, so I was "
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Superstars
How are you babe, he sounded cheerful? I've been receiving your messages, by the way. Which message that, I ask? The one that goes, "It's 1.07 and I need you now. Did you find somebody? That was months ago, I tell him. Yep, I know, he said, longer even, a couple of years. I figured you finished work and needed a lift home. Did you get your brakes working. Yep, I did, no thanks to you, I told him.Did you remember to bleed them? I figured your dad would help you and phone me if you were really stuck, he said. It was really cutting me up. I wanted to jump in the car and come and see you. Why didn't you then? You know I have a new boyfriend now? Yes I know, he said. Hope it isn't serious or it's the end of us. How do you know it isn't already I asked him?. Answer the question. Christ, I thought I heard him say. Well, are you going to give me an answer? What was the question, he asked me? Why didn't you come and see me, I demanded? I just thought you would be working at 1.00, when the song came on the radio, he said. I didn't know for sure whether you were in the garage, at school, or in the studio. And that's it? No, and if you really want it to be the end of us, and want your new mongrel mann to be your seriious friend, I'm not going to stop you. You know he's in a bike gang? Tony's great, I said. He is not, he told me. He is a creep with dubios morals who only wants to steal you away from me. Once he's had you for a while, and knows I've lost interest, he'll drop you like a hot potato, or make your life miserable as a trophy wife. You'll be tied to him.
Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett have released a video for their track, The Lady is a Tramp. It features on his album, Duets II.
What are you doing with Bennett, anyway, he asked me? In what way? The guy owes me money, he said. How much I asked. From November to January 1st, £700, and this year £300 so far, he said. Gambling debts, and I'm going to get a court ruling on it. £1,000 isn't much for someone like him, I said, I'm sure he'll pay you. Or you can pay me for him when I come to the Auckland concert on the 10th if you like, he said.
Shit, he said, don't you realize how beautiful you are? You don't have to fool around with this crap, nude drawings and so on. What do they have on you? What are you talking about, I asked him? Have you been spying on me? Nobody asked for your opinion. Well let me tell you something, and you had better listen he said. Jealous are we, I asked him? Me, of him? Hell no, I could fix his shit in a second. I'm ten times the artist he is, I put him in the same league as Frank Sinatra, and George W Bush- nobodies. No what I'm talking about is that you are really hurting me, and a lot of your fans with this shit. Are you trying to be Norma Jean Baker? Marilyn Monroe, I asked him? Yes because you never will be she was a slave of teh movie system, and they drugged her fucked her and killed her. Don't try to be her, she has been there and done that for you girls. You sound a little paranoid, I said. Like the boy who cried wolf, he asked?
My Uncle Buster, I called him Uncle Herman Goering, was a Grandmaster of the Freemason's Lodge, he said. To look at him, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, but under the surface, not too deep, was an utter hatred of women, especially my sister. If you look at my story, in my book, you will see I claim that I lived a life prior to this one, as my Grandfather, and my wife and I had four daughters, my mother was the eldest, and Jessica who was the youngest was married to Buster. Jess never knew that Buster had another "wife", a man, in the Freemason's Lodge, and that he had a pet name for his legal wife Jess, was "The Old Tramp". That is because he thought at any time he could kick her out onto the streets with nothing. I don't lake that song, I don't like the other versions of it these guys do, and I especially don't like teh fact that he did this song with you, you calling yourself "Lady" Gaga. Understand me? And what's that signal that you're giving with your fingers? Is it a secret freemason sign?
What's that signal that you're giving with your fingers?
I'm on the right track baby, i was born this way.
What is it with you and Freemason's I asked him? With me and the Nazi Party, he said. Don't. I'm not going there, I'm not justifying myself. He said, There is no way I would ever give a nazisalte. I'd rather die first. And you can draw a link between Freemasonry and the Nazi Party, I asked him? Fuck, he txt me. What I said. You don't get me do you? Not really, I admitted. You have no idea who I am, after all? You know, I decided where Goering would live, during and after the war. He is not one man, he is a collective. Now that Buster is dead, he is already alive, and living as Able Tapsel, as far as I know with his father Clem, who is my cousin Gary. I not only knew where he would be born, I decided it, and I know how many barberry bushes were growing on his farm. Can you prove it, I asked him? I don't have to, I know God exists, I have lived alone with God, and God knows everything, even before it is done. You are very special, he said. Thanks, I said.
So you really, hate the nude stuff with Bennett, I askedhim again? Is that all it was, he asked me? You know the perseption is that a lot more might have happened. You wouldn't, for instance pose nude for me. How do you know, that I asked him, you don't know that? Do you think I would want you to, after this, he asked me? Not everybody is as desperate as you for publicity. You forget that teh values of Hollywood are not shared universally across the globe. Look at Bollywood, for instance, they are careful to create a specific illusion and to keep it. They even repeat teh same formula endlessly, and people love it. Now you've hurt my feelings I told him. Not at all, he said. The type of behaviour you are mimicing is typically displayed by teh victims of incest and sexual abuse. The psych wards are full of it, and a lot of is not age appropriate. I have friends who were sexually abused, and they can't help themselves. Its like in King's The Green Mile, these victims comply because tehy think that is what being attractive is, like five year old boys forcing a girl to expose as much of her private parts as her inhibitions will allow her to. It's just that while I find you very sexual and attractive, there are things like this which just leave me feeling sick and the type of nervious that a parent would feel if a child was close to falling off the edge of a cliff. I don't find more and more exposure attractive per se. In fact, jut the opposite, it's a big turn off. What I love is your voice, your songs, their sentement, and your fashion sense, and use of colour. It is all great.
Did you go to church today, I asked? No, I missed out, he said, but I did pick up those three bottles of spirits. The Ouzo costs $50 a 700ml bottle!
Don't you love the light in the Van Gogh paintings, he asked? Yes, it's very clear, and bright. You can feel the warmth, the heat of the day. I know what you mean, he said. I'm sorry, he said. What for I asked? For telling you those things about yourself. About yourself you mean, I asked him? Yes, isn't ot clear? You want me to feel those things, but I'm not strong enough. The thing I love about you, is that you don't have the strength that I have, and I want to make all the hurt better, but I can't.
You been spying on me?
Here's a brilliant piece of art you won't have seen before, he said. What is it I asked? It is teh last piece of Ming pottery ever produced, he said. It is dark blue glaze, and most of the words are obscure. The whispy things are just Chinese clouds, he said. All the skies used to be like that once upon a time. It would have been funny, and slightly nauseating, but nobody at the time knew any better, and just took it for granted. You take for granted that I wasn't there, I said. I want to learn all about you, he said, even if there is nothing. Like Eliza Doolittle?
Do you want to know an intresting story, he asked? What's that, I asked him? There is only one person I remember giving me a Valentine's Day present, it's not a day we celebrate in New Zealand, but this girl gave me something.
Well, anyway, I was in Seattle, where she lived at the time, And my friend Will Pendergrast, a high school friend was in town. He said to me I found rather disgusting. What was that, I asked him? He said that Xxxx's face wasn't much, but she had a fantastic body. And. I asked? Well I'd certainly never seen her body, even though she may have been keen on me. Oh, I said. But what makes it worse, after that I started believing in God, and realized who he was. Who? There's a story in my book, about how he was Nero, and had been married to my neice, in Rome.
Funny, isn't it, he said? What is, I asked him? That picture of you kissing me, he said. You make it look almost convincing. I don't think I ever did, I said. Me neither, he confessed. You would remember if you did he said. I think I would too, I said. I think I remember posing for that sketch, he said. But I have no memory yet, of drawing it, but it does look more like my work than his. So you're guessing, I asked? I'm forced to, he admitted. You'll have to fill in the blanks, but it is something I don't think I would have left to chance. So you have a big Tony Bennett collection I asked? Just so, he told me. I also love something stupid by Kidman and Robbie Williams, he said. You like Williams, I asked him? Oh I listen to anything he does, he said, and even sing along and make up my own lyrics when he's on the radio. Love the one, "You think I'm strong", wish I'd written it instead of him, don't mind him singing it though, my voice isn't much. Who's your favorite, I asked? Possibly Barry White, don't know, he said.