"It all began in school. It was probaly when I was about 6, maybe less, and still not sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I loved to sing and one day I was singing along with my hairbrush in my hand dressed in my mother's clothes and high heels, with her lipstick and whipped cream all over my face when she came home from church unexpectedly, so I was "
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Somebody hacked my clock, he txt me. Somebody rearranged your face, I asked him? No the clock on my computer has advanced itself by 1 hour, he txt back. What do you do for a crust again, I asked him? Umm, I'm a computer programmer for Samsung, he said. I'm the New Zealand co-ordinator, appointed by Mr Jun, and I work in yellow section. It is an unpaid position. I see. Yes I design games, but they don't always use my ideas. Why not I asked? I heard Marry the Night for the first time on the radio tonight, when I was driving into town for cigarettes and milk he said. That's interesting. You sound impressed, he said. Not really I said, did you just wake up then? Yes, he said. I'm awake now, what do you want? Did you want to talk to me? No, I thought you wanted to talk to me. Some confusion then, he said, by txt. Stefani-he used my real name, not Gaga as he usually calls me- you look like an angel. I wonder how he knows that?
One interesting thing, he said, I have it on good authority that NEC in Japan
is working on a wristwatch communications device with a diamond in it
and a full hographic display. It also has a Japanese /English translator. Like a telephone, I asked?. Yes I talked
to their lawyer Masunaga Hidetoshi,
he's their top Samurai and a barrister, but he was too busy with their tsunami
to read my handwriting. I only know a few words of Japanese and I had to
send him a picture of what I wanted. He sent me back a fax but signed it with my name, and spelled it wrong. Moving on I said. Yes, he's moved on going forward I assume, and now works for TMI associates, another spelling mistake if he thinks he is me. My father is Tim. And, I said? Masunaga means sun of my mother, I said. O.
And what did you want, I asked? That was a while ago. I wanted them to advertise in my magazine, now I want £100 per month each. That's a lot, I said. Their choice, he said. What are Europe working on, I asked? To play your music on personal mobile communications devices, he said? Yes. New batteries with more power, maybe. I think Erickson are losing money right now.
He says to me, I don;t think this meeting at Sky Tower is going to work oy. Why not, I ask. Well it depends what time the show finish, and how long you take to change and get there, but it could be closed. And? And I can only spend $65 because I'm running out of money. Don't worry about that I said, I have plenty. Yes he said, but you may not be there. Oh yes I said, I didn't think of that. In that case I could go somewhere else and meet you there. Where would you like to go, I asked?
Superstars
How did tennis start sneaking in here? Here is Jankobitch saying in Serbian, "the ball was in already". Doesn't she know all we are looking for is a picture of her in jeans?
Here she is again, this time buying a pair of hot pants.
No, I'm not going to fuck'n lengthen them. They match your legs as they are now.
=Ok well at least put a pocket in for my balls.
Thought I had hair on my screen, but no that is actual hair on JJ's chest. Check it out!
Then he txted me, I'm not too worried about this tour. I don't expect things to work out with you being married and everything, but things may change in four or five years. You believe that I asked him? I've already changed my plans to accomodate it he said. You can either fit in with them or live to regret the biggest mistake you ever made in your life. It's that simple is it, I said? To me it is, he said. You have no idea how ruthless I can be. It is just a matter of making up your mind and sticking to it. It has nothing to do with revenge, which is a very negative emotion. If it isn't a crime, then it is a matter of live and let live, different strokes for different folks and never the twain shall meet. Sounds a bit impersonal, I said. Not at all, he said, I like to surround myself with positive people, and if your own family can't be positive about you there is something wrong. I can't condone wrong morals or values. What is good for children is good for adults. I'm not that deep, I said. Yes I noticed, he said. All it is is business when it comes right down to it. Making the most money you can, rewarding your staff well, giving value for money, and being liked by your family, especially at Christmas, when they all get gifts. Every birthday should be like that. I started a tradition of giving away gifts on my birthday because I love to give and make people happy. True, I said.
Maybe it's money he said. And that's what you see in me, I asked. How old are you he asked me? What has that got to do with it, I said. Well unless you earn it yourself, you'll never know he said. I suppose that makes sense I said. Do you have any tatoos, he asked? I thought you were a fan I said. Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot he said. What? I have a lot of scars, he said. Motorcycle accidents I said. Yes. And a birthmark apparently. Apparently, I asked? I've never seen it he said. How come, I asked? Well I don't exactly spend all day looking in the mirror at my arse, he said.
Well there you go then, he said. Guys know that women are self obsessed and they tell them what they think they'd like to hear. Not all men I said.
It comes with the territory, he said. Where did you learn the art of conversation, I asked. Should I ignore that he said? By assimilation I guess. My mother talked to the queen every day.
Hell, he said, have you been to Japan yet? Not yet, I said. Well if I can't join you for the rest of the tour, maybe we could meet at the top of Mt Eden, or in town somewhere. Maybe I could just wander around and hope to bump into you, that would be romantic. What time, I asked. What time does your computer say right now he asked. I'm not at my computer right now, I said. You should look into a computer he said, they are a thing of the future, soon everyone will have one. I'll think about it I said. We could meet at midnight, he said. I'll let you know for sure. Should I bring something to eat? What food do you like, I asked. I'll have to think about it he said.
Have you been sleeping well, I txt him. No, he said, I haven't slept for three days. Thought so, I said. How's the new show going, he asked. Good, I said, fine. Is that all, he asked again? My teeth are giving me hell, I said. Oh, he replied, toothache? No I said, the stage manager wants me to get them fixed, and wants me to have a breast augmentation. And are you going to do it, he asked? What I said. What he said, he said. What did he say, I asked? What do you mean he asked? What do you mean, what do mean I said. Oh forget it he said. Thats what I told him I said. What does this have to do with a stage manager, he asked. Are you having an affair? Are you I said? Do you want me to, he said? With him, I said? Yes if you want to. No I don't think I want to he said, I'd prefer somebody like Justin Timberlake. Why, I said? The women seem to like him he said. And you don't but you would I said? No, I don't know what women see in men he said. Me neither I said.
And you've never seen it? Thought you'd be impressed, he said. That's one of the differences between guys and women. We like to look in the mirror as little as possible, only when we have to. it confirms what we already know, and you can only learn that lesson so many times can't you. Thats the main reason we don't use makeup, with the exception of Prince of course. Looking in the mirror to shave is bad enough. It is 5 mins a day I'd rather spend doing something else. I've never heard it put that way before, I said. And how long have you been married he asked? Um, about a year I said.
She was one of her best friends until she died. The queen is dead, I said. Not that I know of, he said. No my mother is dead.
She liked that word, she couldn't stand "passed away". The real queen, I asked? It's a long story, he said. She's not so bad, you know, despite not liking Diana and sending her out to clear minefields. She's very tough, a lot more than anyone realizes, I'd say the second toughest on the planet after me, but she's still a woman with a very caring nature.
I'd never thought of her like that I said. Why not, he said? I never really thought of her at all, I said. She's just not in my world. I'm so busy writing and
touring and everything. Must be exhausting, he said. Yeah, lol. It is horrible. I'd be shit-scared going out on stage in front of a few thousand fans, he said. No, it's great, I said. I can't explain it. They love you, he said. I know that sounds like a cliche, but some would die if they couldn't see you. That sounds sweet, I said. more