Is there a spring in your step, he asked? Do you mean, like a mini-tramp, I asked? Minitramp? Do you have a minitramp? Yes, but I hardly ever use it, I said, I mostly use the normal step. It wouldn't be like the Hillary step then I suppose he said. What do you mean, I said, what's that? No, he said, I asked you if you have a spring in tour trap? What sort of trap, I said? Do you mean my mouth? Who mentioned your mother, he asked?
He seemed to be turning nasty all of a sudden. What has my mother to do with this? No if anything I was referring to your father. My father, I said? No, my father, he said. I'm referring to your coach. Is that your tactical coach these days? I see, I said, but I couldn't see where this was leading. Was he
saying something was going to spring on my mother? No, you'll have to explain it I said.
What do you make of this, he asked, showing me a letter?
Paengaroa School web site www.paengaroa.school.nz
22 February 2012
Malcolm Baker
42 Spencer Ave
Maketu
Dear Malcolm,
I write on behalf of the Paengaroa School Board of Trustees and Staff.
After careful consideration of your recycling ideas, focusing on aluminium can recysling, we have concluded that the school will remain with its current "can cage" system and thus will not be able to support your proposal.
We wish you well and assume that we will not need to have any further discussions with you.
Yours sincerely,
Bruce LendremPrincipal paengaroa School
(On behalf of Paengaroa School Board of Trustees)
What does it mean, I asked? Isn't it clear, he said. They don't want me to come back. What did you do I asked? Well, he said, I offered to give them $100 for their school funds, but said I wanted 1,000 can's in return. That is 10c per can. And they can get more from elsewhere, I said? No I don't think they have had a better offer, he said. Bruce was very nice but said he thought I should only pay 5c a can. And you want to pay 10c, I asked. Yes, he said, and I wanted them to make a competition out of it, giving a prize of a packet of pineapple lumps to the student who collected the most for their class. Who was going to pay for it, I asked? Me, of course he said, and I was also going to give a prize to the class which collected the most. I see, I said. And I said I would take all they could collect, for that price, he said. And how did you plan to pay for this, I asked. I plan to store them and sell them for $5 a kilogram, he said. There is an energy saving of over 90% when you recycle a cal. It could run a television set for 2 hours or more. One can, can run a television set for 2 hours, I asked? So I believe he said. I think they made the right decision, I said. Thank you, he said.
There is more, he said. What is it, I asked?
Memo to: Malcolm Baker
From: Bruce Lendrem
Date: 24 Feb 2011
Hi Malcolm.
I have returned this card on behalf of a staff member as it was delivered to her address but appears to be for someone else.
Note that this postcard appears to be addressed to yourself.
Kind regards
Bruce Lendrem.
Paengaroa School Old Coach Road
Postal address C/- NZ Post Paengaroa 3189
Phone/Fax 07 533 1227 email: office@paengaroa.school.nz
What does it mean, I asked him? Well I sent a postcard to teh secretary of the board at her home address but I put my name on it, so they delivered it to me, he said. And this upset them, I asked. No, not particularly, I don't think, he said. I see, I said. Your life is very busy, I said. No not particularly, he said. What do you think of the Am I a man or a muppet song, he said?
What is it about, I asked? Well, he said, for a long time I lived alone in space. I had plenty of time, so I spent 10,000 years writing fiction in chinese. It was also me who did all teh genetic engineering, producing corn, and wheat and rice, then long grain rice and so on. There was nobody for company, but I didn't need anyone but God, and I also didn't need to talk or hear, but I could talk in my mind to God, and get answers, but not the sound of a voice, you understand. Also I had no need to eat or sleep, because God provided me with all my nourishment directly into my blood, so I was fully human. And I had everything I needed to paint, so I painted this, from God's memory because I went there later, as Van Gogh, and painted it again. After 10,000 years, one looks forward to really feeling nature, water and so on, but the Greek word for baby corn is different fron human baby, so now I have no need for a baby, I have a corn seed, and can love that in my mind, growing. I'm happy. I see it I said. I'm glad you understand he said.And you don't think that Lolita is about an insestual relationship between a man and his daughter, I asked. I knew I had him. You must be unique in being the only person in the world who believes that I said.
No, they're not blue.., see?
No, he said. It is really about a man who is tormented in his imagination when he realizes his precious daughter is growing up and becoming sexually aware. He sees himself as her father, even though he is not, and he cannot stand the fact that one day young boys will be trying to win her over. Sure, I said, you believe that if you want. more
