mayfair

And you think I could be one of them? No, he said, it doesn't matter what I think does it? You may be assumed to be gay by the other girls on tour, just because they are. Your private life is probably kept pretty private. You got that right at least, I said. I'm pretty much practicing and sleeping, there isn't much time left over for a social life. Yes I heard you say pretty much that in an interview, he said, but you would say that. Only if it's true I said emphatically. But a lot of sponsors have big money tied up

in your image, he said. I'm not a nutty squirril or some trophy from the top shelf ina sideshow I said. Nobody says you are, he replied. I'm just saying thaat you know as well as anybody, that to be sexy and appealing you must also appear available. And you want me to break our engagement off, I asked. I wouldn't go that far, he confessed. I'm just wondering if pressure was put on you to make a statement, yes, I'm definitely heterosexual, and planning to get married one day. Nike probably like that but are a little disappointed, like a lot of people that you have taken yourself off the market. You make it sound like a butcher's shop, I said. Or a fruit stall, he added.

You must realize that this is a matter of much public debate, he said. Public debate, what is the topic of the debate, do they have teams I asked sarcastically. I knew this time he was totally making this up. Who is the leader of the affirmative team, I asked, without actually smiling? It was all I could do because i knew I had him, and he knew it too. He tried to cover up by saying, well there are comparisons between different players, he was like a player racing in to the net himself to recover my drop shot. He obviously wasn't expecting it. They don't actually refer to you as cuts of meat in so many words, they disguise their statements. Which is why I've never heard any of these debates? He knew he was caught. To be fair, he added, it isn't just tennis players who become commodities, the whole fashion industry is notorious for it. The complaints are common and numerous. Now I ask you, why would a fashion model take her clothes off unless she intended to make her career into one of a, let's say, escort? It just makes no logical sense.There's not many professional models in tennis, I said.

I suppose so, it was obvious really I thought. You could afford to give him a job cleaning the toilets at your stadium for $12 an hour. I don't own a stadium yet, I said. O.K. he said, I just wondered. I'd really like to talk about my machine. Your funny little software machine, I said, trying to sound mocking, but it was lost on him. That's right, he said, it has a mouse attachment. A mouse, I said, it sounds like a grandfather clock. A grandfather cookoo clock he replied, there aren't many of them around. Have you heard of www.fire.com he asked? No, I hadn't. I have copyrigh on it he said, and all the .com's. Really, I tried to look impressed, but he was sounding crazy again. Where was this going? It didn't take long. We have an assembly code joke, How to make fire with sticks, it was written by someone who calls himself bitstripper. He is a legend, but nobody knows who he is. And it is a funny joke I asked? Yes. more